10 Uncomfortable Truths About Being Black in America

There is thinking that runs through the Black community that if you dress a certain way — i.e. wear a suit instead of a hoodie — you will be immune from racism. This is rooted in a belief called:

Respectability Politics.

Or

“Look at us, we are normal law abiding citizens just like you White people.”

Eric Garner is just as dead as Martin Luther King Jr.

Dr. Stacey Patton brilliantly remarks:
“White America has a necrophilia type relationship with Martin Luther King Jr.”

Today White America loves to laud MLK and promote his message of togetherness and unity, especially in light of the nationwide responses and protests to police terrorism. However, when King was alive, he was looked at differently. In 1966, two years before he was killed, a Gallup poll showed that 66% of America viewed him unfavorably.

Being pulled over by the police for no reason is an unfortunate fact of life for Black people. You can be the best driver — traveling at the correct speeds, using your turn signals properly, and stopping at the stop sign perfectly. Regardless, you are always susceptible to flashing lights in your rearview mirror.

It is what it is.

Whenever I am in a work meeting, attending a social event, or any gathering of large amounts of people, I am usually one of the few, if not the only, Black person in the room. It is something that I have gotten used to. With that usually being the case, many White people also feel that I am the go-to Black person or Black representative when they’re curious about African-American culture and stereotypes. You would not believe the asinine questions I get asked sometimes. It would boggle your mind. I just politely, but sternly, remind them that:

All Black people are not the same. We don’t all act like the Lyon family from Empire . Speaking of that…

When I was younger I used to think that all Black people were aligned together against issues like racism, gender discrimination, and police terrorism, but nothing could be further from the truth. For every Cornell West and Jesse Williams who address racism and justice for all, there’s a Herman Cain and Dr. Ben Carson pushing respectability politics and side stepping racism as if it doesn’t exist.

They espouse “rugged individualism,” a term my father taught me that means only doing for self and not your people.

Some Black people don’t have any interest in talking and discussing racism, or talking about police brutality. Some don’t even believe it’s a problem. Case in point, a discussion I had with a fellow African-American. He and I talked about the murder of Eric Garner.

I said, “The police had no right to kill an unarmed man that was not doing anything.”

He sayd, “Well he shouldn’t have resisted.”

I replied, “Garner was not resisting.”

My then-friend followed up with, “Well police never mess with me. I don’t give them a reason.”

A reason?

I was shock

The purse clutch. Every Black man has experienced this. You are walking down the street, minding your own business, engrossed in your Beats by Dre headphones, and you see a White woman approaching you. You smile, not wanting to be looked at as the scary Black negro, but to her you are anyway and she does:

The Purse Clutch.

Sounds like a dance move, doesn’t it? It is not. It soooo, sooo is not.

This is when a White woman grabs her purse in fear that you are going to snatch it from her hands. I’ve had this happen to me since I was very young. I’ve seen women clutch their purse in the street as I walk by, the movie theater as I pass through the aisle, and the elevator when I get on. It’s as if they believe Black men are all robbers or thieves. Yes, I’ve even experienced this with a suit on.

As I said in truth one, it doesn’t matter what you wear. You are still Black.

Nowadays, I cross the street if I can or, if I am in an elevator, I move to the far opposite side. I want to avoid that experience because every time it happens, a piece of my heart breaks.

I have this conversation every so often with friends who are in interracial relationships.

We wonder:

Is the person with me because they like me or because I represent some kind of fantasy or fetish to them?

I have been on dates with White women and have been told, “I always wanted to know what it was like to be with a brother.”

Comments like those and

“Once you go Black, you never go back.”

or

“Does he have a BBC?” (Use your imagination)

make it crystal clear that the idea of a person being sexually desired just because of their race is not far fetched.

and just shook my head.

I can’t count how many times I’ve been shopping in a department, electronic, and even convenient store and I’ve been slyly or blatantly followed by a store employee. I could be browsing suits to buy, looking for an iPhone 6, or even a box of the midnight munchies. If I turn around, there is always an employee hanging out or fixing the merchandise…

Just in case I have a question.

That was sarcasm.

As I was putting items in my grocery basket, a store clerk came right up to me and said, “Yeah that’s right, I am following you. I think you have been stealing.”

That was my first and last time ever in that grocery store

When I moved to San Francisco, I thought that it was going to be a liberal bastion. I’d heard The City was progressive, that everyone is accepting of everything. And since the LGBTQ community has been historically discriminated against, I thought that they couldn’t possibly be racist.

Wrong. So, so wrong.

Many of my non-White gay friends tell me stories of discrimination and racism in their community, from barred entry into many gay night clubs and bars, being reduced to racial-sexual stereotypes (see #7), and a general indifference to the Black and Latino plight.

I define Anti-Blackness as disdain and distancing oneself from anything that can be considered “Black.” This belief is held throughout the world. In every ethnicity, the darker the person, the more discrimination he or she faces.

Unfortunately, this practice also pops up in Puerto Rican, Dominican, Cuban, and Brazilian communities, as many will deny their African roots. What many don’t understand is that during the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade, boats carrying Black slaves went to other places besides the United States: Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Cuba, and Brazil.

I have also seen Anti-Blackness manifest itself in African communities in the United States. Some African immigrants will try to distance themselves from American-born Blacks, saying that we are lazy, criminals, and have no morals. I worked with a guy from Kenya, who when asked about his ethnicity would say,

“I am not African-American, I am African. I am not like them in America.”

Damn, even some Black folks in Africa don’t want to be considered Black .